Becoming a Gentle Mother: 3 Things I’ve Learned

Hey ladies!

I am proud to announce The God Given Husband Ebook is available for download NOW ! 🙂 Don’t forget you recieved an email note this week regarding a special contest. Can’t wait to hear and see how God spoke to you through this book. If you’re new to this blog, here is a special gift just for you.

Now on to the blog…

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I love being a mother. It brings me so much joy!

I wouldn’t say that I’ve mastered this thing called motherhood, but I love the journey of growth and progression that I’ve made as a mother of 3. My goal is to be a loving, gentle mother to our girls at all times.

Here are three things that I’ve learned to help me become a gentle mother:)

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1. Be Happy

Honestly, there is nothing more inviting than being in a home with a happy woman. It’s like a little piece of heaven on earth! I’ve noticed how my husband and children are affected by my level of happiness. The home is filled with love, smiles, giggles, and even a safe place to make mistakes….such sweet serenity!

This doesn’t mean that every single moment will be sunny, but I’ve learned to take control of my happiness and especially my thoughts.

Thoughts create presence.

Don’t believe me? Ever walked into a room after an argument and immediately felt tension? The people may try to act like nothing is wrong , but you can FEEL the tension. You can cut the air with a knife because it’s so tense! The thoughts in your mind are producing the atmosphere around that you  desire.

◊ Helping Note:  Dear Sis, your mind is a womb. Only think what you want to produce!

So, Take control of your thoughts. If you’re having a tough day today read this out loud “ “…whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable….”( Phil 4:8)  I’ll think on THOSE things.

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2. Build. Don’t Break.

“A wise woman builds her house, a foolish woman brings it down with her own hands.”

It is our responsibility as women to build our homes. It’s a huge honor to be a mother. It’s also a huge responsibility.

–Build with Your Words

“She openeth her mouth with wisdom; And in her tongue is the law of kindness” (Proverbs 31:26)

“You’re stupid”

“Shut up and get away from me”

“I’m sick of you”

If you’ve said things like this, then ask for forgiveness, and work on speaking words over your children that build them up.

I’ve learned that to be a gentle mother we don’t treat or talk to our children in a condescending matter. I want our children to know that I love them for them no matter how many spills they make, how much they mess up, or even when they have their toddler tantrums. No one, not even me or you reading this, wants to be “talked down to”. Remember that not only are they your children, but they are people too. Treat them as such.

–Don’t Break Their Spirit

“Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged” Col. 3:20

The word discouraged here means to have a “broken spirit”.

We have to be so, so careful not to break our children’s spirit. I’m constantly in prayer always asking the Lord to guide me, even when I have to discipline our children , so that I won’t break their spirits.

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3. Be Kind to Yourself

I must admit, I can be extremely hard on myself as it relates to motherhood. There are times I feel like superwoman and times I feel like my “cape” has been burned and destroyed! I want to know if I’m doing enough, saying enough, being enough for our girls …but I have to remind myself, in our girls’ eyes “I’m already enough”.

They don’t care if I didn’t get 5 loads of laundry done in the day or if I finished my “to do” list. They still think the world of me. And your kids think the world of you, too. If you’re struggling to know this, may my words be an encouragement to you today.

Dear Lady, you’re already enough. 🙂

I read and meditate on scriptures often , and one of my favorite scriptures is Isaiah 40:11 “He gently leads those that have young”.

I read this often as a quick reminder that the Lord is gently leading me while I’m gently leading our girls. I can imagine Him holding me by my hand and leading me, not pulling me or tugging at me, but gently guiding me along this journey of motherhood. He is there to wipe my tears, relieve my anxieties, and reassure me that everything will be okay. And things will be okay.

Through the tantrums, good days, bad days, sick days, and everything in between it will be okay. So please Dear Lady, while you’re reminding yourself to be kind to your kids, don’t forget to please be kind to YOU ,too.

 

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After two years of writing, let The God Given Husband EBOOK  bless you, friends, and family. This book as Real Talk Kim states, “….will keep your from settling.” I look forward to hearing how this book has touched your life.

Love you So much,

♥Amanda Ferguson♥
Wife. Mother. Author.

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Did God Tell You That He Was The One?

Hey ladies!

Thank you all so much for the love and feedback.  I am proud to announce The God Given Husband Ebook is live NOW 🙂I am very pleased to share with you what God has imparted to me on your behalf. Can’t wait to hear how God spoke to you.

Now on to the blog…

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I get this question SO much.

Ladies constantly ask me did God tell me and Jonathan individually that we were the one for each other. I honestly can’t say that God definitively told us that we were the one for each other, but he did give us the power of choice, and we can both say hands down we made the absolute best choice in choosing each other.

I can’t tell you that God won’t tell you who your mate is, but I will tell you that he doesn’t HAVE to.

The key to avoiding distractions in relationships is not becoming so enamored by superficial things that you overlook the things that matter the most.

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Just think, milk is still beautifully white whether it’s spoiled or not. At first glance it may not look spoiled, but you take one whiff of spoiled milk and you wouldn’t dare want to drink it.

Some of you have sniffed out ungodly characteristics in your prospective mate.

You’ve noticed things like his lack of character, his lack of pursuit, irresponsibility, despondency to the things of God, etc just to name a few.

Do. Not. Overlook those things. God is giving you a small peak into your future.

With that in mind, you don’t have to ask the Lord a question about a prospective mate that he has already clearly shown you by his fruit disqualifications. I’m reminded of the saying in Matthew 7:16 “You will recognize them by their fruit.” 

And why again would you ask God if that man is the one for you, while the fruit on his tree is clearly rotten? It doesn’t matter what he’s saying, you need to check that fruit. Always remember, things don’t go wrong, they start wrong.

If you’re feeling restless, confused, or pressured to make a decision, then step back a bit.

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Let me give you a few scenarios where you may need to just….chill.

If you find yourself thinking or saying to yourself the following, I strongly advise you step back:

“God told me, but he hasn’t told him yet” 

Sis, save yourself heartache and tears . I’ve seen women distraught as they believed that God told them that they would marry a certain man, only for that man to not know anything about them or even be mildly interested.

Remember this, God is not “a God of confusion” (1 Cor. 14:33)

◊Helping Note:  Dear Sis, if God can speak to you about him, then God can speak to him about you. Chill.

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“I saw my husband in a dream” 

Hmmm, have you ever had a crazy dream before? All dreams are not prophetic.

I repeat, just because you dreamed it doesn’t mean that you dreamed God’s will for you. You may have to chalk it up to a meal you ate before you went to sleep, but don’t wake up and start planning your wedding with this guy just because of a dream.

♥ Relax.

♥ Enjoy life.

♥ Stop stressing.

♥ Stop worrying.

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Here are a few things that you can do to ensure that you are staying sober in choosing a mate.

Stay in God’s presence!

◊ Helping Note:  Dear Sis, the more you run towards God, the more the imposters will run away from you.

Some men can generally be weeded out just by your pursuit of God. A counterfeit will get tired of pretending to love God. He will get tired of you raving.

Rest!

Speak this over yourself: I will be and I will have everything that God has purposed for my life according to Jeremiah 29:11.

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Now seriously, rest.

Rest in knowing that if God wants you to be married, then trust that you will be. Stop wondering what’s taking so long and stop worrying if you have missed God.

Rest in the assurance that you are right in the place that God wants you to be. Your steps are ordered. God’s got you! KNOW that.

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Stay Accountable 

This is important so you won’t have a side, secret relationship that nobody knows about but you two! You need proven, Godly people in your life that can say, “Yes, he’s on the right track or Girl, no! What are you thinking? He does what? He says what? And be sure that those you are accountable to are emotionally healthy. You don’t want someone spewing bad advice to you.

These are just a few! For all of you ladies reading this, I pray that God absolutely blows your mind this week! Thank you all so much for your continued support of the blog! I appreciate all of the shares on social media and comments on the blog. Bonus: I’ve included a bonus chapter in the book since it was a few days late, I hope you enjoy!

Remember, the subject of the blog is changing for the next upcoming blogs, and I can’t wait to share with you what God has placed on my heart.

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Do. Not. Settle

Love you so much,

♥Amanda Ferguson♥
Wife. Mother. Author.

5 Practical Ways to Prepare to be a Wife Pt. 2

Hey ladies!

Thank you all so much for all the feedback on my blogs. If you’re not subscribed to this blog yet, do it NOW. You won’t want to miss the freebie that I’ll be sending all subscribers soon.

Now on to the blog…

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(Cont.)…..

3. Work on Your Appearance

Let’s talk a little about a particular scripture that I love, 1 Timothy 2:9. I mentioned this scripture in a blog last year, but I must mention it again. It states:

“In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel…..”

That word adorn translates to “kosmeo” in the Greek which is where we get the word cosmetology in English. And what do cosmetologists do? They help to enhance our beauty.  Simply put, adorn means to decorate and garnish. It also means world.

Let me break this down, this means that even though we should not make our beauty vanity, we should make it “our world” which means to make it a priority.

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Let me tell you a funny story.

During our engagement period, the Lord really began to speak to me about the importance of “keeping myself up” and how my future husband would be intrigued by my beauty. However one particular day, I forgot about this and got in my feelings.

Jonathan and I were about to hang with friends. I had just gotten off work and had spent extra time on my hair and makeup and outfit. I thought I was CUTE. When Jonathan saw my outfit, he asked me to change my shirt because he didn’t like it. He wanted me to wear a different shirt that he felt matched better.

I got an attitude. MAJOR attitude. Then I texted a couple of my girlfriends and told them what he said.

They ALL said that HE was being petty.

The more I listened to them, the more I agreed with them. He had the problem, not me. I thought to myself, I’m fine just the way I am. Does he have any idea how many other men would want to be with me and he wants me to change a shirt?

Right before I convinced myself that we could not get married because maybe I would have to always change my clothes, the Holy Spirit whispered to me and said, “But do you want those other men or do you want Jonathan…it’s only a shirt, Amanda.”

Whew, I felt so convicted! It may sound silly reading this, but that was one of the biggest arguments that we had during our engagement. I was so serious and so mad, but after that tugging of the Holy Spirit, I made the adjustment and realized how silly it was. I also realized that I needed to get control over the voices that I allowed to influence my relationship.

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◊ Helping Note:  Dear Sis, be careful of the seeds that you allow other women to plant in your ear.

Remember this, men are moved by what they see. It didn’t take anything away from me to change to a different shirt, but it meant everything to him. So, if you’re seriously dating a man or engaged or even married and he asks you to switch up your outfit, hair, shoes, etc. remember that he is not trying to change YOU, he just wants to like what he is seeing at that moment.

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4. Work on your Finances

Isn’t it something how when women write down what they want in a man, they usually write they want him to have a great credit score, a great job, and be in great financial shape etc.

But what about you?

Don’t demand something from him that you aren’t willing to demand from yourself.

Spend this time now working on your credit and gaining financial freedom.

Also pay attention to the areas that you struggle in financially.

Do you try to buy the latest, most expensive item even though you are behind in your bills?

Do you avoid those student loan payments?

Do you open multiple lines of credit and max them out?

Do you live above your means ?

Just like I mentioned in my earlier blog about googling recipes to learn to cook, use that same principle and google tips to become or stay financially free.

There are copious amounts of information on finances on the internet readily available from yearly budgeting down to daily tips.

Pull up your credit score and look at things on your credit that are negatively affecting it. Don’t just ignore it. Did you know that companies will work with you as long as you are willing to work with them to satisfy your debt? Sometimes the first step you need to take is just a phone call.

Remember this, you can never change what you will not confront.

I personally love Dave Ramsey’s teachings on money. There are also many other money experts who offer FREE information. Take advantage of that.

Learn to become a good steward and money manager now so that you will be able to add that skill to your home as a wife.

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5. Work on your Emotional Health

To me, this one is BIG. Before I met my husband I had gone through many traumatic events. From being raised impoverished to being sexually abused as a pre-teen to even being suicidal before I got saved. I had been through a LOT in my life before Jonathan and I ever met. If you have never read how I triumphed through life’s tragedies, check out my book “Amanda’s Story: Overcoming Molestation and Depression” available on amazon.com.

Salvation and going through deliverance definitely helped me and made me new. In addition to that, I wholeheartedly believe in therapy. Not only did I go through therapy before my husband and I got married, but I still occasionally go to therapy now just to talk.

That’s right, I still go to therapy.

We can go to the doctor for checkups, the dentist for checkups, so why not go to therapy? You deserve to be well, in every area of your life including your emotional health.

Therapy is not a bad thing.

The things that you have never dealt with in your emotions WILL show up. It’s absolutely unavoidable. You may be able to hide them for a little while, but given the right situation, things will resurface. That’s why you can see a 50 year old act get upset and act like a 3 year old having a tantrum. There is a part of that person’s emotions that have never been healed.

By all means this year, please work on your emotional health.

I’m telling you this because I want you to be the absolute best that you can be. I’m praying for you and rooting for you.

Love you so much,

Amanda Ferguson

5 Practical Ways to Prepare to be a Wife Pt. 1

Hey ladies!

Thank you all so much for all the feedback on my blogs. If you’re not subscribed to this blog yet, do it NOW. You won’t want to miss the freebie that I’ll be sending all subscribers soon.

Now on to the blog…

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Remember this, God will bless you to the level of your preparation.

Do you just want to be married? Or do you want to be a wife?

Wives are the keepers of their homes, the protector of their atmospheres, and the glue that holds the family together. Here are a few practical things to cultivate as you prepare to be a Godly wife.

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1. Learn How to Cook

Ok, I know we’re in the age where dining out and getting take out is convenient, but let me tell you something ladies, a way to a man’s heart is still through his stomach.

A man loves a good home-cooked meal. Before, I was 22, I couldn’t boil water. Seriously, I didn’t know anything about the kitchen. I had no interest in cooking, but when I got saved at 22, something shifted in me.

I suddenly had the desire to improve myself as a lady in every aspect of my life. I asked my mom and other great cooks to show me a few meals. I also googled recipes and got a ton of ideas. Sometimes they were great, and sometimes they were terrible, but I kept improving!

By the time I got married 4 years later, I was a really good cook. My husband thinks I’m an amazing cook, and he is a very picky eater. If you’re not the best cook, it’s okay. Spend a little time each week working on a new dish. Once you’ve mastered that dish, move on to the next one. Before you know it, you’ll have a reservoir of good meals that you’ve mastered. Your future husband will thank you.

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2. Clean it Up

If you’re at home right now, take a look around your house. Is it messy? Is it organized? Do you have clothes every year? Piles of dishes in the sink?

◊ Helping Note:  Dear sis, you can’t be deep in the spirit and dirty at home.  Clean it up.

Cleanliness is next to godliness. Your home is your atmosphere. Keep it clean, keep it inviting, keep it organized. Men appreciate a clean house. Oh, and a clean bathroom.

That’s right, they don’t want to see your eyeshadow, lashes, brushes, and combs all over the bathroom counter. That may mean, you might have to leave home a little earlier to tidy up before you head out each day. Contrary to what you may think, the cleanliness that you develop NOW is how you will be as a wife. If cleaning hasn’t become a habit now, then you will struggle greatly when you get married.

So, I learned to try my best to put things back as soon as I use it. I’ve found that if I don’t, things will just start building up. Then when it was time to clean up everything, I’d get overwhelmed.

I remember once spending TWO HOURS cleaning out drawers just because I would throw my clothes in drawers and didn’t know where anything was….. TWO hours! From that point, I decided that I needed a change. I needed to be organized and stay organized so I wouldn’t have to constantly start from scratch.

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Practical Habits to Enforce 

* When trying on clothes, if you don’t wear that outfit, don’t put it on the floor or bed, hang it back up

* When you take off your shoes, don’t just put them somewhere, put them in their place

* When you cook, fill the sink with dish water, so you can wash dishes as you go

* When you check the mail, immediately discard things you don’t need so that miscellaneous papers won’t crowd your home

* When you apply your makeup, place all makeup, tools, etc. back into there proper place.

Those are only a few tips. Remember, when you really value something, you MAINTAIN it.

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3. Work on Your Appearance

While women are moved by their emotions, men are moved by what they see. They are visual beings.

This is why it’s important to look your best and “keep yourself up”. That doesn’t mean that you have to look like a model, but that means that everyday you should look your best.

It’s perfectly alright to spend extra time making sure that you look great from head to toe. This means you can NOT wear a bonnet, scarf, and pajamas to the store because you need to “run to the store really quickly.” I feel like I just stepped on a few toes just then. It’s okay to say ouch. Remember, house shoes are for the HOUSE.

◊ Helping Note:  Dear Sis, you can be holy and not look homely. 

I know you may be enjoying this, but I’m going to stop here for now. I’ll continue my teaching on appearance along with the other two tips in my next blog.

This year, Do Not settle.

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Be sure to subscribe to my blog. You don’t want to miss the special gift I will be releasing soon.

Love you so much,

Amanda Ferguson

If I were Meagan Good’s sister, 3 things I would tell her….

Seeing as though the video went viral last week of a lady asking Meagan to “cover up” during a forum where Meagan and her husband, Devon, were promoting their new book, I felt it was only right for me to blog about my thoughts. If you haven’t seen the video, google it and I’m sure it will pop up.

Meagan, I know lately you have gotten a plethora of good and bad feedback . Some comments were encouraging to you, and some were mean. Though I don’t agree with every aspect of what transpired during that forum, I want to tell you the truth in absolute love and with scripture as well. So this is for you , Meagan. If you were my sister, I would tell you these three things.

I would tell you as if I were your sister trying to get you in line before “mama came back home” and you were due for a spanking if you didn’t get it together quick. You will feel the intensity of what I’m communicating, but not because I look down on you at all. That intensity is rather the passion I have about the issues at hand, and I’m also hoping I can snatch other women out of the fire in the meantime while they are listening in on our conversation. Ok so here it goes.

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1.You are absolutely beautiful!

 

I don’t think anyone that would meet you would be able to argue with that. But the truth of the matter is “…man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart”( 1 Samuel 16:7). Let me reiterate, man looks at the outward appearance. It may seem like that lady was “coming for you, when you didn’t send for her”, but the truth of the matter is the majority of people don’t know you and can only speak on what they see.

It will be very easy for you to continue to wear the type of clothes that I’ve seen you in on social media with the notion that “only God knows my heart”. The only problem is that you are exactly right. Only God knows your heart, but the rest of the world that is looking at your outward appearance (1 Samuel 16:7) are clear on the fact that your dress code doesn’t always depict the God in you. You see, even though you’re merged into the secular world, you can’t impact them on levels that they feel your integrity is as compromised as theirs is. The ones who want to make excuses for their lifestyles will accept you, but the ones who come to the place of desiring real repentance will ultimately lose respect for you. Don’t be afraid to stand out. Light shines brighter in darkness.

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2.Modesty is still amazing!

And I love how it’s addressed in 1 Peter 2. Let’s break it down via the scripture.

 

∇1 Timothy 2:9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel…..

 

Now that word adorn translates in the greek to “kosmeo” which translates to “put in proper order” and to “decorate”.

This means you can be beautiful AND be in order with your clothes. I know you want to be sexy for your husband and by all means PLEASE do, but tone that sexy all the way down for us. Now you don’t have to look like a granny. Please no. But when its all said and done we don’t want to see your boobies, super tight clothes, or any of that either. Simmer it alllll the way down.

  ∇1 Timothy 2:9  also says we are to dress “…with shamefacedness”….

 

Now before you blank me out this does not mean that we cannot not have any fashion sense. I like this part of the scripture because it puts modesty in super perspective. “Shamefacedness” translates to the word “aidos” in the Greek, which means awe or reverence towards God.

Wow! Now that’s deep. That means that what you wear needs to reflect your reverence to God. It’s a holy thing! Before you put on your clothes, ask yourself, are my clothes reverencing God? Would I want Jesus to see my cleavage? Would I want His head turning to get a second glance at my butt, hips, or thighs?

And yes you’re right. The scripture teaches that God cannot be tempted with evil. He actually made our butts, hips, and thighs and holds us responsible how we utilize them whether we utilize them to please our husbands, or we allow them to help send a bunch of men to hell who never took the time to get their sex lives under control. And remember, it’s ok to look good! But by all means, looking good doesn’t mean that you have to dress in a way that would be irreverent of God. Which means that “no sis, you can’t wear anything in the name of Jesus and it be acceptable”.

1 Peter 2 also says that we are to dress “……with sobriety”…..

This means women are to dress with a sound mind. It means you are held accountable to think about how what you are wearing might have effect on other people. It is not ok to just assume that as long as it looks good to you, and your circle that its ok, especially if you are someone that others look up to. God expects us to think about how our appearance represents Him.

Don’t get me wrong, there are some people who are more full of lust than a dog is full of fleas. They are going to lust after you whether you were nude or covered from head to toe and you can’t do anything to help those kind of people. God has to deliver them and they have to want to be delivered. However, you have to be respectful enough to honestly think soberly about your fashion decisions. You have to come to the place where you say to yourself, “hmmm…that dress was made to reveal my butt, those pants were made to expose my crotch, that shirt was made to show my cleavage, but that doesn’t revere God AT all.

When you think soberly about issues like that, then you’re able to say to yourself, “and you know what? my husband is not the only person that’s going to be looking at my butt, crotch, or breast if I wear this. And then as you are thinking soberly you remember that there is a line of clothes that are made to be revealing to your husband. ITS CALLED VICTORIA’S SECRET. You make a Godly lady’s decision to keep victoria secret in your bedroom and bring modesty to the public.

You have to stay sober minded concerning your clothes because people are looking up to you and watching you. Your life, your clothes, your reactions….they’re all a walking billboard for Christ. You must choose to represent Him well.

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3.Be open to correction.

 

“……he that refuseth reproof erreth” Proverbs 10:17

Reproof is translated to “towkechah” in the Hebrew, which means correction, chastisement, rebuke. Be ok with correction. Embrace correction. The scripture states that we go astray (err) when we refuse correction.

I love you, and I’m telling you this only because I would want you to tell me the same thing. By all means, please tell me if you see me doing anything that doesn’t represent Christ. When that lady asked you to “cover up”, I know your husband was trying to defend you, and I get it. Because if someone was saying something that will hurt my feelings my husband will be ready to chop their heads off and serve them for dinner. I promise you, I get it. But this was different. Why? Because we have an obligation to uphold a standard if we profess to be Christians.

Even though I know it probably hurt, and maybe her delivery wasn’t as warm as you would have liked, honestly her statement is what I have been wanting for you for awhile. If we were in the same situation, my husband would have said, “thank you, we will take note of that and we repent for not making the best decisions regarding my wife’s attire. Please forgive us, but in the meantime I’m going to cover her as we make our adjustments.”

Alright, and that’s it. I pray you heard my heart. I’m not looking down on you, shaking my neck at you, or turning my nose up at you. I’m simply being that same sister to you that I would want you to be to me.

In His love,

 

Amanda Ferguson♥

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Also,

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I have three books on amazon, and my bestselling book, FaceTime: Pursuing the Presence of Jesus is still selling like crazy. If you haven’t read that one, be sure to order it on amazon.

 

I love you all so much! ♥