4 Important Things I Learned in 4 Years of Marriage

 

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My husband and I just celebrated four amazing years of marriage this past Monday (March 7, 2016)! It really has been a great journey of love and companionship. We’re not perfect, and we’ve both made a ton of mistakes, but I’m grateful for our progress along the way. The more I grow in God, the more I continue to work on myself and improve my role as a wife. So, I just want to share with you Four Important Things I’ve learned in our 4 years of Marriage.


1.The power of “Okay”.

Okay, Listen, I’m an extreme thinker. Two of my strengths are problem solving and planning. If you come to me with an idea, by the time you get to the third sentence, I’ve already thought of two ideas to enhance your idea as well as possible problems that may arise. Not only have I thought of possible problems that may arise, but I’ve already thought of at least two possible solutions to that problem.

The first time someone kept our older daughter, Hannah, overnight, I left 7 pages of notes with different scenarios of what to do if different problems happened to arise with her. I know, I know, Too much maybe? Lol I told you, …..I’m an extreme thinker , planner, and problem solver. But in my marriage, there was a little issue with that. My husband is a visionary with a brilliant mind. He comes to me with these visions, and I start thinking. By the time he is on the third sentence my mind is REALLY going. Over the course of our marriage, he came to me proposing business partnership ideas with different individuals and my first reaction was:

  1. How long have you known this person?
  2. What is this person’s credit score?
  3. Do they lie?
  4. Is this person willing to sign a contract?

And on, and on and on I went until I would look at his facial expression. And all of a sudden I realized he no longer was talking. Uh oh. I had totally KILLED his desire for this idea, and I didn’t mean to AT all!

◊Helping Note: Men want to know that you are on board FIRST before trying to critique their decision- making.

In MY mind, my husband already knew that I was on board with his ideas. In HIS mind, I wasn’t expressing that to him. It just seemed like I was ripping his ideas to shreds.

So, now when he proposes an idea, I’ve learned to look at him, listen intently to him, give him a smile, and say “Okay!” And it’s not a sarcastic okay but an okay followed by a compliment of the creativity of his idea. This has created great synergy for us in decision-making because his reply, after he knows I’m still in his corner, is usually, “what do you think about it?” Then I proceed to ask my million and one questions or enough questions for us to brainstorm.

This way, I haven’t killed his idea, he knows that he fully has my support, and I also get a chance to express my thoughts on the subject without him shutting down. So, before you go full steam ahead critiquing your husband’s ideas, pause and say, Okay or whatever your “okay” may be that expresses that you are 100% his ride or die!

Note: Of course this only applies to things that do not compromise your integrity as a Christian. If he says he wants to rob a bank, your response should NOT be Okay. Just had to throw that in there. Yikes. Moving on…..


 

2.Never get tired of serving.

Funny story: A couple of weeks ago, I offered to make my husband a cup of coffee. I was bright and cheery when I made the first cup. He took a couple of sips and said it tasted funny. Ok no problem, I’ll make another cup. To him, the second cup was even worse than the first cup. He said something about the bubbles looking funny. Huh? Ok sir, you’re wasting my good coffee. By this time, my patience was getting a little thin. But he asked me to make him another cup.

Was the third cup better to him? Absolutely not! But all three cups tasted great to me! By the third cup I was no longer smiling. I was over it. Just drink the coffee! “lol”. But then the Holy Spirit tugged this scripture on my heart, “Whatever may be your task, work at it heartily (from the soul), as (something done) for the Lord and not for men” (Col 3:23)

When I made those cups of coffee for my husband, I was thinking, “I have other things to do…Will he just drink the coffee…Why is he complaining…people elsewhere wish they had coffee”…and I was definitely rolling my eyes in my head until I had that gentle reminder of scripture.

You see, when you are serving but do not have the spirit of a servant, it becomes very easy to be offended. You can misinterpret an individual’s need and desire to enjoy the convenience of what you are offering with a feeling of being undermined or under-appreciated. My husband’s lack of enjoying the coffee was not a reflection on him or me. He simply wanted the coffee to taste right, and I was the one who offered the coffee in the first place. Bringing my husband the coffee was “getting the job done”, but making the coffee to his satisfaction is what “serving” is all about. And beyond that we should be serving as if we are serving to the satisfaction of the Lord Himself.

So…wives…know that when we serve our husbands, we’re working for the Lord. Let’s step up our service and serve with gladness of heart all the time because we know that our real reward comes from God. So, times when I don’t “feel” like serving, I remind myself, “Amanda, what you’re doing is unto the Lord. Do it gladly. Do it well”.


 

3.Let it go.

I was raised in a family where, during disagreements, it was important to talk about every single thing. When my mom upset me or I upset her, we had these super long conversations and the same thing with my siblings. We always talked about everything. To this day, whenever my husband and I have a disagreement, I want to talk about everything concerning that disagreement.

 

  • How did this conversation make you feel?
  • Do we need to talk about it more?
  • Did you mean what you said?
  • Can we talk about this?

 

But I’ve realized sometimes I have to just take one for the team and let it go. Everything doesn’t need an explanation all of the time. And all of my questions irritate the mess out of him after he has already decided to let an issue go. I realized that all my questioning can be downright nagging and no man wants to be married to a nagging woman!

 

“Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife”- Prov. 21:19

“Better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife”- Proverbs 21:9

“A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike”-Prov. 27:15

 

 

Got it? Got it? Good.

#operationNOnagging

 

Ok so Maybe he WAS just having a bad day. Let it goKeep in mind we have two kids. He could be exhausted (I know I am) Let it go. Who cares if he puts his socks on the floor instead of the hamper. Everyday. Let it goWhy? Well because he LOVES me. He takes amazing care of me. And he is an amazing father. You see what I just did…take note!

Sometimes you have to compare all the things you do like with all the things that you do not like about whatever current situation is bothering you. This kind of reality check reminds you that the good outweighs the bad. And all the stuff that you don’t like…well…you choose to Let it go.

◊Helping Note: Some person is praying for the very thing that you are complaining about. One woman’s trash is another woman’s treasure. The minor roadblocks you have in marriage are not that serious. Let it go.


 

4.Time alone is non-negotiable.

Whew! Ok, so currently we have a(n) almost 2.5 year old and a 15 month old. Until this week, we had not had a night away from the children since before I got pregnant with our 15 month old! And before that we only had one night away from our first when she was 11 months old. We were waaayyyyyy past due for some time alone with no diapers, wipes, whining babies, and minnie mouse toys.

I honestly didn’t know how badly we needed the break until right before we went. Our days and nights had begun to run together from our crazy schedule. Our oldest battles allergies at times so she had been waking up often in the night, and our youngest one has gotten four teeth in the past couple of weeks and was teething something serious. And then of course, we still have business to take care of everyday.

I said “enough is enough! We need a vacation, away from the kids.” So we did a 3 day, 2 night stay at Hilton Head Westin resort in a Director’s suite with a beach front view. AMAZING time! We came back super refreshed! It spoiled us. And because of our crazy schedules, we’ve decided that every 3 months, we would have at least one night to ourselves without kids.

Married couples, please take breaks and take vacations alone. You need healthy marriages to build healthy families; so don’t neglect that time alone with each other. INVEST in your marriage. Other things can wait, I promise you. Spend that time together. Start planning now, because time alone is absolutely non-negotiable.

 

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(This was us during our anniversary vacation this week ! We had soooo much fun! )

 

I pray that these tips helped you. Marriage is HARD work, but it is SOOO worth all of the work. Feel free to share any tips that you’ve learned along the way in your marriage.

 

Love you all so much!

 

♥Amanda Ferguson♥

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If I were Meagan Good’s sister, 3 things I would tell her….

Seeing as though the video went viral last week of a lady asking Meagan to “cover up” during a forum where Meagan and her husband, Devon, were promoting their new book, I felt it was only right for me to blog about my thoughts. If you haven’t seen the video, google it and I’m sure it will pop up.

Meagan, I know lately you have gotten a plethora of good and bad feedback . Some comments were encouraging to you, and some were mean. Though I don’t agree with every aspect of what transpired during that forum, I want to tell you the truth in absolute love and with scripture as well. So this is for you , Meagan. If you were my sister, I would tell you these three things.

I would tell you as if I were your sister trying to get you in line before “mama came back home” and you were due for a spanking if you didn’t get it together quick. You will feel the intensity of what I’m communicating, but not because I look down on you at all. That intensity is rather the passion I have about the issues at hand, and I’m also hoping I can snatch other women out of the fire in the meantime while they are listening in on our conversation. Ok so here it goes.


 

 

1.You are absolutely beautiful!

 

I don’t think anyone that would meet you would be able to argue with that. But the truth of the matter is “…man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart”( 1 Samuel 16:7). Let me reiterate, man looks at the outward appearance. It may seem like that lady was “coming for you, when you didn’t send for her”, but the truth of the matter is the majority of people don’t know you and can only speak on what they see.

It will be very easy for you to continue to wear the type of clothes that I’ve seen you in on social media with the notion that “only God knows my heart”. The only problem is that you are exactly right. Only God knows your heart, but the rest of the world that is looking at your outward appearance (1 Samuel 16:7) are clear on the fact that your dress code doesn’t always depict the God in you. You see, even though you’re merged into the secular world, you can’t impact them on levels that they feel your integrity is as compromised as theirs is. The ones who want to make excuses for their lifestyles will accept you, but the ones who come to the place of desiring real repentance will ultimately lose respect for you. Don’t be afraid to stand out. Light shines brighter in darkness.


 

 

2.Modesty is still amazing!

And I love how it’s addressed in 1 Peter 2. Let’s break it down via the scripture.

 

∇1 Timothy 2:9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel…..

 

Now that word adorn translates in the greek to “kosmeo” which translates to “put in proper order” and to “decorate”.

This means you can be beautiful AND be in order with your clothes. I know you want to be sexy for your husband and by all means PLEASE do, but tone that sexy all the way down for us. Now you don’t have to look like a granny. Please no. But when its all said and done we don’t want to see your boobies, super tight clothes, or any of that either. Simmer it alllll the way down.

  ∇1 Timothy 2:9  also says we are to dress “…with shamefacedness”….

 

Now before you blank me out this does not mean that we cannot not have any fashion sense. I like this part of the scripture because it puts modesty in super perspective. “Shamefacedness” translates to the word “aidos” in the Greek, which means awe or reverence towards God.

Wow! Now that’s deep. That means that what you wear needs to reflect your reverence to God. It’s a holy thing! Before you put on your clothes, ask yourself, are my clothes reverencing God? Would I want Jesus to see my cleavage? Would I want His head turning to get a second glance at my butt, hips, or thighs?

And yes you’re right. The scripture teaches that God cannot be tempted with evil. He actually made our butts, hips, and thighs and holds us responsible how we utilize them whether we utilize them to please our husbands, or we allow them to help send a bunch of men to hell who never took the time to get their sex lives under control. And remember, it’s ok to look good! But by all means, looking good doesn’t mean that you have to dress in a way that would be irreverent of God. Which means that “no sis, you can’t wear anything in the name of Jesus and it be acceptable”.

1 Peter 2 also says that we are to dress “……with sobriety”…..

This means women are to dress with a sound mind. It means you are held accountable to think about how what you are wearing might have effect on other people. It is not ok to just assume that as long as it looks good to you, and your circle that its ok, especially if you are someone that others look up to. God expects us to think about how our appearance represents Him.

Don’t get me wrong, there are some people who are more full of lust than a dog is full of fleas. They are going to lust after you whether you were nude or covered from head to toe and you can’t do anything to help those kind of people. God has to deliver them and they have to want to be delivered. However, you have to be respectful enough to honestly think soberly about your fashion decisions. You have to come to the place where you say to yourself, “hmmm…that dress was made to reveal my butt, those pants were made to expose my crotch, that shirt was made to show my cleavage, but that doesn’t revere God AT all.

When you think soberly about issues like that, then you’re able to say to yourself, “and you know what? my husband is not the only person that’s going to be looking at my butt, crotch, or breast if I wear this. And then as you are thinking soberly you remember that there is a line of clothes that are made to be revealing to your husband. ITS CALLED VICTORIA’S SECRET. You make a Godly lady’s decision to keep victoria secret in your bedroom and bring modesty to the public.

You have to stay sober minded concerning your clothes because people are looking up to you and watching you. Your life, your clothes, your reactions….they’re all a walking billboard for Christ. You must choose to represent Him well.


 

3.Be open to correction.

 

“……he that refuseth reproof erreth” Proverbs 10:17

Reproof is translated to “towkechah” in the Hebrew, which means correction, chastisement, rebuke. Be ok with correction. Embrace correction. The scripture states that we go astray (err) when we refuse correction.

I love you, and I’m telling you this only because I would want you to tell me the same thing. By all means, please tell me if you see me doing anything that doesn’t represent Christ. When that lady asked you to “cover up”, I know your husband was trying to defend you, and I get it. Because if someone was saying something that will hurt my feelings my husband will be ready to chop their heads off and serve them for dinner. I promise you, I get it. But this was different. Why? Because we have an obligation to uphold a standard if we profess to be Christians.

Even though I know it probably hurt, and maybe her delivery wasn’t as warm as you would have liked, honestly her statement is what I have been wanting for you for awhile. If we were in the same situation, my husband would have said, “thank you, we will take note of that and we repent for not making the best decisions regarding my wife’s attire. Please forgive us, but in the meantime I’m going to cover her as we make our adjustments.”

Alright, and that’s it. I pray you heard my heart. I’m not looking down on you, shaking my neck at you, or turning my nose up at you. I’m simply being that same sister to you that I would want you to be to me.

In His love,

 

Amanda Ferguson♥


 

 

Also,

Make sure to go to that purple box on the side of this blog and enter your email to subscribe. If you haven’t been getting the emails, be sure to check your spam box.

I have three books on amazon, and my bestselling book, FaceTime: Pursuing the Presence of Jesus is still selling like crazy. If you haven’t read that one, be sure to order it on amazon.

 

I love you all so much! ♥

No Condoms For Your Soul

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Condoms may help prevent getting an STD. They may even prevent unplanned pregnancies. But there is absolutely no condom for the soul, and that’s what’s not talked about much. Allow me to explain.

I was raised in church my whole life. I came from a very strong background and foundation, and I knew that having premarital sex was a sin.

“(Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body) ” NLT 1 Cor. 6:18

Then matriculating through school, we were informed of all types of STDs with knowledge and pictures that scared the mess out of me!… But not enough to not want me to have sex…after all, the guys that I messed with could never have any of those types of diseases. Right? And it’s true, no they didn’t, and of course I stayed on birth control while I wasn’t saved to ensure I wouldn’t get pregnant, because I KNEW I didn’t want any babies out of wedlock. And I didn’t have any.

BUT none of these “preventions” kept me away from the sting of having a soul tie. In fact, my soul-tie with boyfriends in college were the driving force to my suicidal thoughts. Suicide? Yes. Before I came back to Christ in 2008, I was contemplating suicide everyday towards the end of 2007.  You can read more about my road to overcoming from my book on Amazon, “Amanda’s Story: Overcoming Molestation & Depression” .

So back to this story. I didn’t know why I felt so crazy everyday! I had been drilled about not having sex to avoid sinning, pregnancies, and STDs, but you mean NOBODY told me what premarital sex could do to the condition of my soul?

Omg I felt bamboozled! And that’s why I’m writing this. Because there is some lady that’s reading this that hasn’t been able process why you feel the way you feel about this guy. Someone is reading this and you KNOW that relationship that you are in is ungodly, no matter how bad you try to justify it.

You know that if you’re having sex before marriage, if you died right now you would be going to hell. But still, it’s not clicking to you WHY you just can’t let go.

Let me help you as I talk about the consequences of ungodly soul ties


 

So what is this soul tie thing I’m writing about?

Well in a nut shell, a soul tie is literally the “tying” of two souls together. In fact, that’s why sex is ordained within the confines of marriage. It FUSES two people together. That’s a good soul tie.

An ungodly soul tie is a fusing together of two souls in an ungodly, unhealthy way through the act of sex.

That’s why it’s quite possible to be married to Ricky, but still be longing for jimmy and jonny from past relationships. It’s because your soul is still KNIT with those other two!

Since this blog is written for women, let me be real with you. Men are NOT affected by sex like we are. For men, sex is more physical than emotional. But for women sex is more emotional than it is physical.

Think of the person that was hardest for you to let go? Was it the man that you slept with or the man that you did not? Hmmmm most women would answer that it was harder to let go of the man that she slept with.


 

So now let me give you some consequences of these ungodly soul ties as quickly as possible.

◊Ungodly soul ties Distract:

Ever felt like you can’t get him out of your mind? And trust me honey, getting a new boyfriend won’t solve that problem. That will just add on a new set of problems.

The reality is that sex has so tied you to that man’s soul that although he has moved on, your mind is still there with him. It literally robs you of your focus and often causes you to begin to ignore your true priorities and responsibilities, which leads to a series of other downward spiraling events as follows:

 

◊Ungodly soul ties distort your rational.

◊Ungodly soul ties cause you to retreat and want to be alone. 

◊Ungodly soul ties make you view yourself in a way less that the way God views you.


How do you view you? 

Once you become tied to a man in an ungodly way you become more prone to living for “that guy” than living for God. You end up taking on a man’s idea of you instead of God’s idea of you. That man becomes your idol because you will do ANYTHING to please him and not God. Sounds like someone’s in love right?

The only problem is he has become your world but you have not become his. He has not given you priority, he has not given you commitment, and quite frankly he will most likely not give you a future.

Being tied to a man in an ungodly way often carries the illusion of being in love, but In actuality it’s more like being in an emotionally confused state. Especially for the lady that doesn’t get the privilege of having the man she slept with actually stick around.

Once the man is done with his sexual adventure, the woman is left broken. Ultimately this is what the soul tie leads too. Let’s look at the typical progression again.

The distractions lead to irrational decisions. Eventually he leaves. 

As you begin to retreat and be alone you start feeling like maybe the man you slept with doesn’t think you’re good enough, pretty enough, or whatever “enough”. After all, if you were enough he would have stayed right?

WRONG!!!!

The truth is you are all that and a bag of chips. You’re special to God and you have a lot to offer to someone who is going to be more committed to you than to what you have to offer. These are just a few to get you thinking!


 

So you’re like, ok, Amanda, but how do I become FREE from these soul ties? Glad you asked.

  • 1. Write down the name of every man (his first and last name)  that you have had sex with and begin to ask the Lord to destroy the soul tie that is between you two.. You have to confess your sins. 

 

∇ Helping note: You can’t change anything that you’re unwilling to confront.

 

  1. Repent. That doesn’t mean to just ask for forgiveness.  That means to CHANGE your ways. You. Must. Stop. Having. Sex. With. Jimmy.
  2. Pray pray pray. 
  3. Admit your struggle to God. Just because you repent and stop having sex before marriage does not mean you will no longer struggle with the desire to do so. 
  4. Be accountable to someone during your process of recovery 

 

CONCLUSION:

Some of you are crying as you read this post. I know because I began to weep as I wrote it. The Lord showed me a generation of women who have been scattered away from Him due to experiences of being undermined and mishandled, but He is reawakening in you a new desire for Him.

You’re feeling what you’re feeling as you read because freedom has come to your life. God is doing a new thing in your life and you’re not going to need to retreat to any relationship of your past in order to find satisfaction in your future.

Don’t read this blog and ignore His beckoning. He loves you sooooo much. And as he begins to show you more and more how valuable you are to Him you will never again settle for counterfeit lover, or one night stand.

Know This: THIS IS NOT HOW YOUR STORY ENDS!!! God is getting you ready for your next chapter. If God could save me and deliver me from ungodly soul ties, he can do the same for you! If you have genuinely done these steps, this is the dawning of a new day for you. I’m so excited about your future.

 

Love you so much!♥

 

Amanda Ferguson

 

 

Also:

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I go more in depth on the subject of soul ties in my book called “Amanda’s Story: Overcoming Molestation & Depression” so be sure to order it today on amazon.

 

 

 

5 Ways I KNEW My Husband Was The One For Me PT.2

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(Another picture from my modeling shoot)

I know you are anxious to read the remainder of this post continued from part 1, but before you get started, scroll all the way to very bottom of this post (on the side), find the purple box that says “SUBSCRIBE” and enter your email address to officially subscribe to this blog. Soon, I will be sending out special newsletters and will be doing giveaways that will exclusively be for subscribers, so sign up….right now.

Ok lets go! So in the last blog I ended my points with the area of accountability.


 

3. He was accountable (continued): The concept sounds simple, but it is HUGE!

The one you are dating needs to get sniffed out by the proven Godly men in your life. They need to be able to get all in his business without him feeling defensive. They need to put their finger on the things that you often overlook.

◊Helping Tip: A man who rejects accountability while dating will reject it while married. Save yourself the headache of marrying a rebel!

There are also categories of accountability. 

Pay attention to his level of accountability in the following four areas:

  • Friendships
  • Employer
  • Family
  • Spiritual Authority 

 

How he treats accountability in these areas will tell you a lot about him. 

Basically who a man has in his life to encourage, challenge, and correct him will determine how he is able to process through the toughest times in his life. A man that is uncomfortable with being under authority is unfit to be in authority.


 

4.We were equally yoked.

Now most of us have heard the scripture of “be ye not unequally yoked with unbelievers” (1 Cor. 6:14). Of course we know that if you’re saved you should marry someone that’s saved. But that scripture goes even deeper. Let’s explore the cultural significance of the scripture to shine light on it even more.

In biblical days, oxen would be yoked together, by twos. They would be coupled together in order to plow a field and pull a load…together. This meant that they needed to have the same stamina and endurance, so that the other ox would not be lagging behind…it meant that they could equally carry the weight in synchronization

oxen(picture of oxen yoked together)

Togetherness is essential. Can you imagine one ox trying to run in one direction while the other is trying to run in another direction while being yoked together? First of all, that would probably be painful! Secondly, they wouldn’t go anywhere! It’s important to be yoked together with someone who has the same vision.

What load will you two carry together for the kingdom of God? What will you accomplish together? What great exploits will you do together?

You should discover early on in the dating stage if you two are going in two totally different directions. This should be one of the main priorities of the dating stage because once you’re married, you’re officially yoked together. Equally yoked? Or unequally yoked? That would be the question.

While we were friends and also dating, we always talked about everything, I mean everything! We talked about our past, present, and future. There was nothing that we didn’t know about each other.

Helping Tip: Dating is for “data collection”. Don’t be so enamored by romance that you are completely oblivious to who that person is because you neglected collecting the data and facts concerning them.

When my husband and I were engaged, I remember watching Benny Hinn on Youtube talking about the price that his wife, Suzanne had to pay for the ministry. He began to say that men who have done great exploits had wives that were willing to go the whole way with them.

While watching that clip, I began to WEEP. Something in me became so tender for the thing that the Lord had called Jonathan to do in ministry. I’ve always known he would do amazing things for the kingdom of God.

As I went into prayer, I called out to God and said, “ Whatever price I have to pay in ministry, I’ll pay it WITH him”

All of the things that God was calling me to do fit directly into the things that God was calling Jonathan to do. We had likeness of vision.

Helping Tip: One common vision is a “keeper” in a marriage. Two visions= Di-vision. It doesn’t matter how in love you are, or how romantic the relationship is, if you do not share common vision you will inevitably be divided.


 

5.He exemplified character and integrity.

Throughout our 3 year friendship before we wed, I saw him in all types of circumstances. I’ve seen people lie on him, betray him, steal from him, etc but his character and integrity remained intact.

  • Character is a moral compass that acts to navigate you in the right direction when under pressure.
  • Integrity is having the courage to do the right thing even no one is looking. 

I’ve seen him hurt, angry, upset, and frustrated, but there were certain moral and ethical lines that he would never cross.

Want to be on the road to knowing if that man is capable for you or not? Ask yourself these questions about the one you are dating.

∇ Who is he when no one else is around?

∇ What would he DO if no one was looking?

∇ What are his morals?

∇ What are things that he would NEVER do?

∇ Whose voice speaks the loudest in his life?

∇ How transparent is he about his past?

∇ Who does he admire?

∇ What are his goals?

∇ What are his secrets?

∇ What are his dreams?

∇ What unfortunate situations of his past can he talk about without the pain resurfacing?

∇ How does he perform under pressure?

∇ How does he handle anger?

∇ How does he handle disappointment?

THESE ARE ONLY A FEW!

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Pictured left to right: Myself, Mya, My hubby, and Hannah♥

I pray that these 5 tips have been a blessing to you. Remember, this is not some special formula, but these were 5 ways that I knew that my husband was the one for me! Once again, be sure to subscribe to this blog in the box on this page for notifications of my next blog entry:)

Also, collectively my husband and I have 10 books total on amazon! Just type in either of our names on amazon’s search box, and our books will pop up! Buy one, two, or all:) 

Love you all!♥

5 Ways I KNEW My Husband Was The One For Me PT.1

PART 1:

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Picture from my modeling shoot

 

Did God tell you He was the one?

How did you KNOW he was the one?


Listen, sis, don’t be too deep as it relates to dating. I hear so many ladies saying “I’m just waiting on God to speak to me concerning this guy”……Hmmmmm let me make it plain: When you are hungry, do you consult God about whether to eat or not? Absolutely not. He made us with a “sensor” to let us know when we are hungry, and it’s time to eat.

God gives us the gift of the Holy Spirit to help lead us and guide us, yet He is not going to lead us in the particular areas that we ignore the wisdom that He has already given us. Ok, so the guy you are dating has no passion & faithfulness for God, no character, no accountability, etc…yet , you’re waiting on God to speak to you and say “yay or nay” concerning that guy…Umph.

Move on, sis. God has so much more in store for you.

I can’t say that I had this “Ah Ha” moment where God spoke to me that Jonathan was my husband. However I did pay attention to EVERYTHING and we mutually made the decision that we were the best fit for each other. Without a doubt, we can both say that we made the best decision! I couldn’t imagine being married to a more perfect man for me (not perfect, just perfect for me) And vice versa, I’m his perfect fit.

After salvation, who you will marry is the single most important decision that you will ever make in your life. CHOOSE WISELY.

This is not a special formula but these are 5 ways that I KNEW that my husband was the one for me. I will be giving you three of five ways in this blog, and the remainder in a second blog featuring part two of this subject:



1.He loved God in words and deeds.

When I met Jonathan, he was currently on a 40 day liquid fast…whew! That’s real dedication! Jonathan was and is a man after God’s own heart. Fasting and his prayer life was and is an intricate part of who he was. He didn’t just talk about God, he LIVED for God and still does to this day.

The first things that stood out to me about him is how his love for God superseded everything else in his life. He wasn’t ashamed to lift his hands in worship and bow his knees in prayer in outward adoration of the Father. He didn’t mind crying out to God…His heart was so tender towards the Father. I immediately noticed that he was a man who wholeheartedly was striving to live the life that was pleasing to God

◊Helping tip: A man who doesn’t want to break God’s heart, won’t want to break yours.

Throughout the course of our 3 year friendship, before we wed, his fasting, prayer, and devotional life was still consistent. He didn’t waiver in his pursuit of God. I knew that I could follow and submit to a man like that.


 

2. He only wanted me

This may sound like a no brainer, but it’s not. I see women settling all of the time for a guy who likes her, but doesn’t want ONLY HER. Honey, don’t settle for being the SIDE chick OR the MAIN one, be the ONLY one.

◊Helping tip: Don’t make someone a priority, when you’re only an option.

There was a season where we were considering dating that my husband was torn in between me and another young lady, and he told me. I cried, got upset, and then I realized my worth…So what did I do? I changed my number, deleted all text threads, pictures, and blocked him on social media. Why? Because I was serious about my heart AND about my worth.

◊Helping Tip: Just because a guy doesn’t see your worth does not diminish your value

He called me back and got that special message when your number is changed. I was THAT seriousMy heart was serious-My time was serious-My intent was serious.

AND I WASN’T DOING IT TO GET HIS ATTENTION OR GIVE HIM AN ULTIMATUM. He made his decision so I simply made mine.

◊Helping Tip: Never give a man an ultimatum. Simply decide what you will and will not allow.

We reconnected a few months later and this time he knew I was the one for him. No gimmicks, no games, no questioning. We dated for 2.5 months, engaged for 1.5 months, and then married! March 2016 will make 4 years of marriage! No one was pregnant, we were not in a rush…we just decided to cut all the games out. After all, we had spent almost three years already becoming the best of friends and getting to know each other.


 

3.He was accountable.

When we started dating, after telling his father, he told other proven Godly men in our lives that we were serious about getting married. He put himself in a position to be accountable to these men concerning his life and his intentions towards me.

◊Helping Tip: Men know men. Give the men in your life access to the one you are dating.

It’s easy for women to overlook certain things when you’re “in love” but don’t take this for granted.I know this is getting good, but I will stop here. I will elaborate more on this point of accountability and the remainder of the points on part 2 of this blog so stay tuned. . . . . . . .

birthday dinner

♥♥Us headed to my 30th birthday dinner last week!♥♥

For additional tips on relationships, recipes, fashion tips, and more, check out my devotional for single ladies at this link ! #conqueringthecrossroads 

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